Not Cancer, Not Again...

Soaking wet in my tiny one person shower I exclaimed to Him and begged him to guide me.  I was diagnosed once again with a more aggressive cancer and I frankly didn’t have time to deal with this sickness.  My son was in 1^st grade, my daughter in pre-kinder and my youngest at home with me.  What in the world was I going to do?  And why had it come back?  I thought I had beaten this thing two years ago!  I began to exclaim…

“Dear Lord, I beg you to please show me what it is that you need from me!  Please God!  There is obviously something I didn’t learn the first time.  Oh gosh, I can’t do this… You know I will not dare ask you why because I believe that you have your reasons but really…. Please! I am only 27 years old what do I need to learn from this?” 

 I begged and begged for an answer.  I instinctively knew that this wasn’t going to kill me however; I had already dealt with this and was feeling so lost, scared and confused.  I realized that I hadn’t learned whatever I was supposed to learn the first time and so I begged for an answer, a sign… something. 

 As gentle as an evening breeze, as warm as the sun on a cold day, in the softest of voices He whispered in my ear, “Ven a mi y yo te librare” (Come to me and I will liberate you).  I immediately pulled the shower curtain open thinking my husband had heard me crying out to Him and was playing a joke on me, no one was there.  I opened the door where my husband stood only a few feet away and I accusingly asked if he had just been in the restroom to which he replied “No, what’s wrong!?”  I had grown pale and weak and was in shock.  I had just been blessed with a direct visit from our Creator of which I was not worthy.

 For the next couple weeks, I cried in the shower, I cried in the car, I cried every moment I was alone and I silently cried myself to sleep every night.  I was horrified trying to figure out how I was going to be treated since our medical insurance had denied me coverage due to a preexisting condition and I didn’t qualify for government assistance either.  In front of my friends and family I was all smiles and secretly, I was falling apart inside.

Emily ~ 3 years old

 One day soon after the shower experience I was in the bath tub with my daughter Emily who was 3 years old at the time.  I lay there and watched this little angle play with the bubbles she had to have in her bath every time.  Lost in thought I was caught off guard when she looked up at me with her huge brown eyes and said, “Mommy, say God Rules”  I was surprised as I am ashamed to say even though we believe in God, we hadn’t installed a belief in her innocent mind yet.  I replied in a quiet tone while she continued to play nonchalantly with her bubbles “God Rules” then she said “Mommy, say God Cares”…. Uh, “God cares…” and she then looked up at me and pierced me with her eyes, firmly demanding “Now say, God is HERE”.  Until this day I don’t remember if I ever responded to her last request because I was in such shock and I knew right there and then that everything that I had been stressing about and what I had been telling people about how everything was fine and that I felt great, was going to come true.  I knew that this disease was not going to kill me and that I had way too much to take care of to go home at such a young age. 

 So, I put my warrior armor on and I begun to fight this disease once again, head on and at full force.  Little did I know this was only the beginning of a long battle yet to come…

From my heart to yours,
LRP